07th November 2019
Dear Ananya,
This is my first letter to you and I hope to write many more in future till you grow into an adult. I have particularly chosen this occasion of your 13th Birthday to give this first letter since you will be entering into your next and very profound phase of life called “TEENAGE”.
This phase acts as the foundation for our adult life later. This phase is more interesting than childhood and adulthood for three reasons. In childhood we do not have all our emotions developed fully and also our ability to comprehend the world around us is limited. In Adulthood though we are fully developed and understand the world much better, we have responsibilities towards self and family which constrain us from enjoying the life fully. Whereas, in Teenage we are sufficiently developed to understand most of the world around us and also we have no responsibilities, thereby allowing us to enjoy the life fully. This is also the most fascinating period of our life since it is charged with very high levels of emotional turbulence. We experience all emotions of life with full intensity during this phase of life which lasts for 6 to 7 years. So I want you to enjoy this phase to the hilt since you will never get it back.
During childhood we experience dreams when we sleep. Whereas in Teenage life we experience dreams while we are awake. This is a real gift of life for this phase. You can dream whatever you want to dream about; from most inspiring to most despairing; and the best part is you can make the choices. Since it is a very dreamy phase, you will find it difficult to come to terms with life’s realities. Trust me we all have gone through this phase, including me, your mother and, all other elders. And we have experienced it the same way that you will be experiencing it. However, you will still feel that no one understands you better than your teenage friends who will be able to relate and empathize with you better. Your feelings will get stronger and stronger that both your mother and I cannot understand what you are going through.
But trust me Ananya , we will understand it very much but would not be able to empathize with you like your friends because we would be able to strike the balance between the dreams and practicality. To give you an example, imagine you are watching a Film or a Television Serial for a long time, which is very high on emotions and you are deeply engrossed in it. You may not realize that there is darkness outside, the air is still and you have not put on the fan and, you have not eaten anything for a long time. If your mother or I see you in this condition, we will tell you to switch on the light and fan and to eat something. At this point you will feel that they don’t understand the emotions that I am going through and, rather than helping me to overcome my emotional upheaval by discussing the story of the film or serial, they are giving instructions on practical things which do not matter at this juncture to me. Trust me many of your real life experiences during this phase will bear uncanny resemblances to the above example.
So go out boldly into this phase and dream big. Do not put limitations on your dreams and choose a dream that you would like to follow for the rest of your life.
This is the phase of your life wherein you will try to find out or create your own identity in this world. As part of this process you will be tempted to try different behaviours, styles or fashions to check what best suits you. You will have a strong desire to feel important amongst your friends or whom you value to get social acceptance from them. This desire may force you to do many silly things and you won’t mind doing it to get the social acceptance amongst your friends. Friends also help us to share our feelings, emotions, ideas, joys, sorrows, aspirations and fears and also provide us regular feedback. Therefore, it is important to have friends and it is more important to have right friends. Since friendship is beyond age and relationship, you may consider making your cute little brother Abbhay also your friend. If you are able to make friendship with good people, you will automatically do good things to get acceptance from them. Friends have a very big influence on us during this phase of life. So find your true self. Accept a personality which comes naturally to you without putting any mask or making special efforts. Make friendship with those who accept you the way you naturally are and without any demands or conditions because those are your real friends. It does not matter what the world thinks about you, what truly matters is what you think of you. So love yourself the most and be proud of what you are.
This is also the phase in which you will need more independence and freedom and we, the parents, will be hesitant to let you do everything the way you want because of difference in opinion of what is right and what is wrong between us. Our advice will stem purely from the concern for you so you may not like it. Therefore, my request is don’t hate it…just listen and keep your communication open with us. You will understand it when you grow up as to why we were saying what we were saying to you. Always keep in mind that the rights bestowed upon you by the freedom also accompany responsibilities. So enjoy your newfound freedom responsibly.
Since this is the phase you can dream…dream big. Don’t put restrictions on your dreams. Whatever you dream during this phase of life and if you believe it strongly, you will achieve it. Your family is always there to support you fully to help you achieve your dreams. The only difference between all the successful people and not so successful people in the world is that those who nurtured their dreams with the hard work and discipline realized their dreams; whereas those who only dreamt without any hard work or discipline to support their dreams did not realize their dreams. However, it is not easy to bring discipline in life during this phase since your mind will always be wandering from one thought to another like a butterfly moving from one flower to another. It is difficult to control our mind during this phase. Therefore when you finalize your big dream in life and put your efforts behind it, you will find it easy to bring in discipline in life.
As this phase is the foundation of life for future years, ensure to eat well, sleep well, play well and exercise well. Always remember that a healthy mind prefers to reside in a healthy body. So we must take care of our body and make it strong with good food and exercises.
You family is always there for you to be your friends if you believe in us and you can use us to bounce all your thoughts, doubts, questions, however, stupid or embarrassing they may sound to you. We will try to share our experiences with you to help you find your path.
So wish you all the very best on this journey of the best phase of life called ‘TEENAGE” and wish you a very happy birthday!
With lots of Love
Your Father
Prof Dr Ashish Gupta
drashishgupta 